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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 09:52
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
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The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 10:20
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